Easter and the Bunny

I have a dark secret…I killed the Easter Bunny.

That’s right.  For all you fundamentalist conspiracy theorists out there, the grim truth can no longer be hid.  We hate the Easter Bunny and it’s about time someone did something about it!

The assasination occurred on Saturday morning just before dawn.  I was driving my normal paper route in very dark and foggy conditions when I saw him.  The Easter Bunny.  (Okay, maybe it was just a regular jackrabbit, but play along.)  He was running full force toward me, straight down the road.  I had to make a decision.  I could either swerve and save his life, risking my own or…

At that moment, I have to admit, all of my training came flooding into my mind.  “The Easter Bunny is evil!”  “It is of the Devil!”  “It takes away from the true meaning of Easter!”  A sadistic smile came over my face as I knew what I must do.  It was my destiny.

It was over quickly.  He never felt any pain that I could tell.  I felt a twinge of sadness (or was that my wife’s palm hitting the back of my head?) but knew that good had once again triumphed over evil.  Sure, he’ll be missed in the malls and at the Hunts, but perhaps for once, our unsaved, pagan culture will finally wake up and realize what Easter is all about.  If I can just get rid of the bad symbols, then the world will see the spiritually obvious (or is that discerned?).  Now, on to Mother’s Day…

 [parts of this account have been fictionalized to protect the family of E. Bunny]